Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
