Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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