She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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