she smelled like a LAN party
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
