Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
