My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
