We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
