This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
