Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
