Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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