Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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