those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
