did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
