he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
