I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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