My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
