so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it's like iHOP with fire
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
