Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
