I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
