have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
