The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
