I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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