but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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