Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
