Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
