I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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