I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
