Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
