So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
