I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
