we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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