Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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