you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
