you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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