Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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