boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
