Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
