Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
