I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
