There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
