The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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