For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
