I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
home. puking in laundry basket.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
