whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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