If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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