Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
