I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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