Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
dude. I can hear the air.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
