I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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