Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
