It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
