Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
